August 8th, 2007

BREAKING: VDB Reluctantly Calls for “Tough Kitty Love” To Enforce Democratic Party Discipline Here in Vermont

by Philip Baruth

The New York Times today is moving a chilling story out of Bangkok: Thai policemen caught committing minor infractions — parking illegally, littering, tardiness — are being forced to don a Hello Kitty armband.

hello kitty

We know: that’s freaking harsh.

But apparently the idea is to shame the scofflaw cops into compliance.

Says Pongpat Chayaphan, acting chief of the Crime Suppression Division in Bangkok, “This new twist is expected to make them feel guilt and shame and prevent them from repeating the offense, no matter how minor . . . [Hello] Kitty is a cute icon for young girls. It’s not something macho police officers want covering their biceps.”

Indeed. Tough kitty love.

And after thinking the matter through here at VDB, we believe this is a tactic that might well bear fruit in the Green Mountains as well. Not for minor infractions, no — that would be too whimsically cruel.

No, we suggest reserving the terminally cute armband for major offenses, the unthinkable. Like a Republican candidate for Governor, when you happen to be a member of the Democratic leadership.

That sort of thing.

Will it work? The research is inconclusive at this point. But if it doesn’t, VDB is willing to experiment with still more draconian measures: the Elmo and yes, possibly even the Bratz armband, recently rejected by Amnesty International as a “tactic tantamount to torture.”

More as gory details warrant.