May 8th, 2009

Bristol Palin and Hayden Panattiere Team Up To Either Fight Or Promote Sex Before Marriage Or On The First Date, No Biggie

by Philip Baruth

You’re thinking very, very seriously about 2012, but what to do about Bristol and that whole mess, especially given that Levi is out spilling to Larry King every time you turn your back to shoot a wolf out the open door of your helicopter? Answer: celebrity abstinence promotion. It nudges Bristol into the media eye, but in an arguably chaste and wholesome posture. Problem? Celebrity abstinence promotion is an oxymoron. Not the “promotion” part. The “abstinence” part.

Which is to say that Hayden Panattiere, famous for playing a nubile super-powered cheerleader, joined Bristol Palin on the abstinence trail, to talk to audiences about how they might not want to end up like Bristol Palin.

Asked to describe the advantages of Bristol, Panattiere offered this: “Teenagers get to look at her, and she can say, ‘This happened to me.’ This is all politics aside.”

And then of course it turned out that Panattiere finally didn’t seem to be promoting abstinence at all, but rather sex education for those who are interested in pre-marital sex: “There’s a lot of different viewpoints on sex, and I’m not someone who will ever boo-hoo anything or say, ‘This is not right,’ or, ‘This is wrong’ . . . . You’re going to do what you’re going to do, but at the end of the day, it’s okay as long as you educate yourself, as long as you’re safe, as long as you’re smart.”

You know, the GOP has been looking for a new slogan, something to move them beyond the sour-faced social values of yesteryear, and by God VDB thinks they’ve found it: You’re going to do what you’re going to do, but at the end of the day, it’s okay.

Thank you, Lord, for Palins. They are endless fun, and we love them dearly. Please send more.