September 29th, 2009

Shocking Terrorist Seniors Flummox Yankee Security, Armed With Only Birkenstocks and Gnarly Tees and Stuff

by Philip Baruth

VDB had made a solemn oath not to post today, in order to avoid stepping on the front page story begging people to come to the State Senate Kick-off tonight at Nectar’s, from 6-9. But sometimes journalistic reflexes will not be stilled, and a story Must Be Told. Case in point: four women, ranging in age from 66 to 90, decided yesterday to demonstrate the porous quality of the security at Vermont Yankee. Basically they walked into the plant, but there was one moment of high drama. Made for TV drama, really.

At the last moment, faced with the advancing protestors, the guard snapped to attention and attempted to close the huge automated gate — but the senior ninja ladies used their catlike reflexes to come in anyway, and the gate wound up being a measure of their distinct insideness rather than an impediment to it. Round one: senior ninja ladies.

Now, VY spokesman Rob Williams will no doubt point out that the system worked beautifully: the guard had apparently not been drinking, and the lock actually functioned, albeit a bit after the point where it would have made a serious difference.

Still, it’s worth asking, and inquiring minds want to know: if a quartet of concerned seniors can penetrate security this far in sensible Birkenstocks, what could the terrorists manage — in close-toed shoes?