September 23rd, 2011

BREAKING: VDB Endorses Schweddy Balls

by Philip Baruth

To this point, we’ve felt no need to weigh in on the recent “Schweddy Balls” controversy. Ben and Jerry are big boys, as (apparently) is Alec Baldwin. And of course what ice cream launch isn’t enhanced by a whiff of scandal, and the resulting page views? But now the American Family Association has entered the field, and damned if they haven’t threatened a boycott and thus gotten VDB’s goat.

One Million Moms, the AFA’s astroturf women’s group, has now sent out an action email, and it’s a small masterpiece of humorlessness. Worth the price of admission? Their explanation of the SNL skit that launched the joke at issue:

“[Baldwin, playing Pete Schweddy] then explains that he sells popcorn balls, cheese balls, rum balls—balls for every taste—and the ball puns proceed for about four minutes. Ben & Jerry’s chose to go with fudge-covered rum and malt balls for their flavor. The skit culminates in Baldwin stating that ‘No one can resist my Schweddy Balls.’”

But of course the AFA’s real problem isn’t with the pun. It’s with Alec Baldwin, and Ben and Jerry. And, of course, the creeping gay agenda:

“In the past, Ben & Jerry’s has released controversial ice creams, like a special edition of Chubby Hubby called Hubby Hubby last year which celebrated gay marriage. It seems that offending customers has become an annual tradition for Ben & Jerry’s.”

Now, let VDB say this about schweddy balls: they are as American as the Founding Fathers, who fought in all conditions, including in the humid Southern states. Will we eat this flavor when it’s limited-batched into the company’s hometown HQ on Church Street in Burlington? You’re damn right we will.

And love every cringe-inducing minute of it.