November 17th, 2006

Tyson Begins Work as Male Prostitute; Santorum to Follow, Say Sources

by Philip Baruth

RawStory is reporting that former heavy-weight champion Mike Tyson — currently bankrupt — will soon begin a second, edgier career track: as a male prostitute.

rick santorum, pre-crispingHeidi Fleiss has opened a “Stud Farm” in Nevada, for women only, and she clearly means to use poor but notorious beefcake to give the ranch an initial PR boost.

Coming on the heels of OJ’s new “If I Did It” gambit, Tyson’s decision proves anew that there’s always a second act — even after your third and fourth acts have crashed and burned.

And in only apparently unrelated news, “Extra Crispy” Rick Santorum — fresh off an 18-point loss in his Senate re-election bid — announced today that contrary to all logic and overwhelming public demand, he will not seek the Presidency in 2008.

“Absolutely, positively not,” Santorum told a talk-show host yesterday. “Absolutely not,” he added then, as though someone had objected.

And VDB has no doubt what that means: it’s only a matter of time before Ricky signs on with Madame Fleiss as well, and offers America’s risk-taking women something they’ve always privately desired, and never publicly admitted.

Four seconds of foreplay, followed by four minutes of sex, followed by four hours of moral recriminations, and an infomercial on the need to privatize Social Security.

Santorum: Latin, for “You know you want it, sexy beast.”

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