February 27th, 2007

Barre Mayor Gets Death-Penalty Peanut Butter in Drug-Policy Chocolate; Creates Wildly Unpopular New Taste Treat

by Philip Baruth

So the mayor of Barre is calling for imposing the death penalty on drug dealers and — simultaneously, if you can wrap your mind around this — legalizing marijuana. That’s right: bong hits for sale at Cumberland Farms, but anyone caught selling crack cocaine would receive lethal injection.

you got peanut butter in my chocolate

Or possibly a public hanging, if we’re looking for the reality television buy-in.

Now the mind of Mayor Tom Lauzon may be many things, but ho-hum is not one of them.

This is a mind that could conceivably help us through other calcified policy issues, like abortion (on demand within the first trimester/guillotine in second and third); death with dignity (lethal prescription boluses available at any DMV/firing squads for anyone who counterfeits terminal illness in order to commit suicide); and of course gay marriage (ceremonies performed at McDonalds, Burger King, KFC/double-execution in the event of divorce).

Rave on, Mayor Lauzon. You inspire us here at VDB.